First Nights at Home

First of all, let me say wow what a difference a day makes!

So the first night we were trying to stick with our schedule of waking Dargan up to eat, trying to breastfeed, gave him a bottle once because those are easier for him to take & wanted to make sure he ate enough, and he would eat & then cry an hour later. He cried from about 2:30 to 4am off and on until I gave in at 4 and fed him (again), then he slept until after 7. Plus I was trying to pump when he didn't eat enough/ate from the bottle, so I didn't sleep much at all.

First morning waking up at home!

On Tuesday, we had our first visit with the pediatrician, Dr. Tracy Butcher. She (along with her in-house lactation specialist) told us that he's just not strong enough right now to really stick with 100% breastfeeding and he'll expend more calories than he's getting if we try to force it on him. The lactation specialist compared it to training for a marathon (whee!) - you don't just go run the whole thing from the start, you have to work up to the full distance. So we're to do 3 tries at breastfeeding per day, then just bottle feed w/ breastmilk fortified with a tiny scoop of formula the rest of the day to make sure he's getting enough calories to grow and get stronger. We'll work up to a larger ratio of BF vs. bottle as weeks go by.

So we tried it out last night... we only bottle fed him fortified breastmilk throughout the night. We had alarms set to wake up every 3 hours to feed him but he woke up almost on the dot before the alarms went off, not crying, just grunting and giving his "feeding cues" (open mouth, sucking on his hand, etc). So Scott gave him a bottle while I pumped, and we would be back in bed with Dargan fed & back asleep within 30-40 mins of waking up. SUCCESS!

We really like the pediatrician - she was recommended by our neighbors across the street who have 5 year old twins. Plus when we mentioned Dr. Butcher's name, so many nurses at GHS would either say how much they like her or that they use her for their own children - seems like a good mark of confidence to me! We'll see her at least weekly until Dargan reaches his "full term" due date just to make sure he's gaining weight and to keep a close eye on him for any preemie issues. I feel very confident with her support - she basically gave us to "call anytime, I promise, you will NOT be the most paranoid/nervous/annoying parent ever - we want you to feel reassured that you're doing the best thing for your baby". Very very comforting! Plus the lactation specialist who helped us was apparently a NICU nurse for many years at GHS and cared for Dr. Butcher's child (now 15 months old) when she was there, and Dr. Butcher liked her so much that she recruited her to work at her practice! She definitely knows a lot specifically about preterm infants with her background.

We go back on Friday for another checkup.

Today we took our first outing in the stroller - drove over to Trailblazer Park in TR and walked a little less than a mile up to Upcountry Provisions to have lunch. It was a little warmer than I was comfortable with, so Scott walked back to the car and came to pick us up after lunch. It was quite tasty and Dargan, of course, slept through the entire trip. :)

So far he's done really well with just eating, sleeping, and pooping like he's supposed to!

Happy Homecoming Day!

A frustrating past few days, but at last, we have little Dargan at home with us!

Things really made a quick turn on Saturday when we had a fantastic NICU nurse, Connie, who took charge and said she'd "been in the NICU for 25 years, and that baby is ready to go home!" She was able to get us a private room where we could stay overnight with Dargan in an effort to establish better breastfeeding schedules and get him completely off of the feeding tube. The general guideline we'd been told all along was 48 hours of being totally self-fed before they'd let him go home, so we jumped at this chance to get the clock rolling.

Relaxed with a full belly - still with the NG tube for supplemental feeding

He'd done really well at the morning feeding on Saturday, so we hoped by Monday morning we would be out of there for good. We had a good but tiring night there on Saturday, getting up as Dargan needed us but making sure he was fed every 3 hours or so. It was difficult to sleep through all of the beeps and bloops of monitor alarms going off up and down the hall, and then nurses coming in to check on you (though I realize that's their job and was very thankful for all of the help and advice the nurses gave!!).

At last... feeding tube completely gone!

On Sunday we went home during the middle part of the day to recharge, get more stuff, and go back for night #2. We were there for the day-to-night shift change report, and we listened while they discussed that they estimated we'd go home maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. Um, what?! Scott and I were so certain that we'd met all the criteria to leave Monday, and there was nobody to talk to us about why this timeline kept changing or what exactly we (Dargan) needed to do to get out of there for good. We spent some time calling friends who had connections to the hospital to hopefully get some guidance and we were able to get enough information that basically the weekend staff just maintains the status quo and on Monday things would probably get moving again. Still frustrated but somewhat calmed, we settled in for the night.

Another not-so-restful night passed with mild success in feeding Dargan - he tends to just fall asleep early into his feedings (he's supposed to nurse for 20 minutes, usually lasts 5-10 before getting sleepy). Then of course he'll wake up within an hour hungry again because he didn't get a full belly. And the cycle continues.

Awake on Monday morning

Scott went into work on Monday, and I hung around in the room in hopes that I could catch the doctor as he made his rounds. Sure enough, just before the morning feeding, the Dr. came through and said, "Well, looks like we might get you out of here today!" YAY! He explained Dargan's stats, gave me a list of tests they still needed to run, and went about ordering them and getting things to happen. It was such a relief to finally feel like things were moving along!

The rest of Monday was just waiting for the orders to get processed and for final testing to get done. One was an hour long carseat test - Dargan had to sit in the carseat we had for him for an hour while they monitored his blood oxygen saturation levels. This is because not all carseats are appropriate for extra small infants and they want to feel assured that the one he's riding in won't create any potentially hazardous positions for him as far as restricting his breathing. I was really afraid he was going to have a meltdown and fail the test, but thankfully he did well and only had a few fussy spells... mostly he just slept! Hooray!

Around 1pm, Scott arrived to help with the homecoming. We left the hospital around 2 and got Dargan all situated for his first ride in the car then headed for home.

All strapped in - take me home!!

First family portrait! :)

We walked to our next door and across the street neighbors' houses to briefly introduce Dargan to those that had been so helpful to us when we had to suddenly drop everything and leave the house. So thankful to have such great support from wonderful people!

The first week

The first day was rough. I felt so weak. I couldn't hardly stand up or walk because either things were sore or I was just too worn out. I ate breakfast, pumped more, got poked and prodded by countless nurses, had a visit from the midwife on call. My parents came to visit with me in the afternoon. Scott and I finally decided what to name the little man - Dargan Russell Trenor.

Dargan being a family name from my mom's side (Irish in origin), and Russell from Scott's side. Dargan is now the 4th generation of Trenor men with the middle name of Russell. We visited Dargan more, I finally got to hold him (so much joy!), and spent our second night in the hospital.

Scott holding hands with our little Dargan

 Tuesday (May 12th) I was checked again in the morning by the midwife on call and she said I was fine to go home.

Wearing my own clothes for the first time in days. Feels strange!

We spent a lot of time with Dargan in the NICU, I was still pumping every 3 hours around the clock, and finally had some actual milk coming in. The day prior was just like 3 or 4 drops at a time. We left the hospital after his 3pm feeding and I absolutely hated driving away in the car with an empty carseat in the back. I cried a lot.

After removing the CPAP. Wires and tubes and mittens, oh my!

A brief respite from tubes (they were changing them out).

Little glowworm with the biliblanket

 In the days since, we've been back and forth to the hospital constantly. I'm still up every 3 hours around the clock to pump, and milk supply is definitely not an issue. Dargan came off of the CPAP after the first day, had to be under the bili-blanket for jaundice for a few days, and got moved from NICU 1 to NICU 2 (less intensive care) on Thursday afternoon. Thursday night was rough for me - we visited him, but he just wouldn't eat at all, and they had put him back on oxygen. I was just utterly distraught thinking he was getting worse instead of better. Again, lots of crying.

Friday was SO much better. He was wide awake for several visits, and he did some great breastfeeding during our evening visit. We went to Barley's afterwards to show pics and share the news with James & Kimmie (our favorite bartenders) but unfortunately neither were there. It was nice to do something somewhat normal for once, though.

Selfie camera on my phone is horrible!
(And no, I didn't have the entire glass - probably 1/3)

This morning (Saturday, May 16th) he also did well with breastfeeding, so we are so so hopeful that this is the start of a continuing trend!

Just a little bit of oxygen... now to get rid of the feeding tube!

As for me, I'm healing very very well. I still kind of walk funny (not sure why) but haven't taken so much as an Ibuprofen since Tuesday. I can tell my core strength is zilch, which might be contributing to my walking oddly. Still dealing with some edema in my legs, but my stomach is shrinking noticeably by the day. I even buttoned a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans this morning!

But now the biggest goal is to bring our sweet boy home. I can't wait to be able to snuggle him all day long!!

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

[Written later & back-dated]

Today we got a surprise Mother's Day gift... Dargan Russell Trenor was born at 9:32pm at GHS.

Just minutes after being born

Yes, someone decided he wanted to arrive exactly 4 weeks early! First of all... it's a BOY! And I'll let you all in on something... I made this prediction in a private journal entry on November 16th (at 11 weeks):

"So I haven't wanted to come out and say it, but all along the fact that these weekly updates from TheBump.com refer to the baby as "she" has bothered me. Not in principle, but my gut reaction from the beginning has been "But it's not a she!" I've taken that to mean that my intuition is telling me we're having a boy. Completely unscientifically founded, obviously, but I'm going on record here to say that's my gut feeling."

Teehee!

Anyway, let's go back to what a regular 36 week update would have been leading up to the big day of excitement...

As of the last update, I was uncomfortable and swollen-legged. That didn't really change throughout the week, though sitting at the desk with my feet up certainly helped a bit. Saturday was a weird day, and I commented to Scott that I just felt odd the entire day. I ran errands in the morning at Target, which resulted in some attractive cankles, after which I basically stayed on the couch with my feet up the rest of the afternoon.

Harley giving some love to Cletus

Saturday evening was Freak Bike - a fun cycling event where you dress up in costume, ride bikes as a group from Sunrift to Compadre's in downtown Greenville, and enjoy mexican food together. This event was Kentucky Derby themed, so I wore a dress and a nice big hat. I ended up looking ridiculous (which is part of the point) but even moreso with my 8-month-pregnant belly. I got LOTS of stares as we rode down the Swamp Rabbit trail.

See? Ridiculous.

You can also see Scott's derby horse

This was at the beginning of the ride, and I was already uncomfortable and unsure of my ability to make it the 10 miles or so down the trail to downtown. It wasn't far into the ride before I declared this would be my last bike ride until after baby arrived (oh how little did I know that was incredibly true!). We made it to Compadre's at last and enjoyed a good meal, though I still felt "off" for most of the evening.

Over the night, I woke up my usual 3 times to pee, and at about 6:45am my water broke. My first instinct was "nah, couldn't be" so I tried going back to bed & ignoring it. It wasn't long before I got up again and realized it was not something I could ignore, so I shakily told Scott that I was pretty sure my water had broken. He got to work packing bags (we'd started the process but not gotten them completely ready) and I called the midwife on call to see what I should do. 

It turned out to be Susan, the midwife that I'd seen the most of at my appointments, so I was really glad that it was someone familiar. They're all fantastic, but I felt most comfortable with her, so I was relieved to speak to her. She told me to wait around and see if contractions started, and regardless I'd need to come in (to OB Triage at GHS) by around lunch time - they want to make sure something is happening within 6 hours of my water breaking especially since I hadn't had my Group B strep test yet. It's not serious, but they would have had to have me on penicillin if I was GBS positive, and they treat everyone as positive if they haven't been tested. 

So I helped Scott finish getting ready, we used our Amazon registry completion discount (which only kicked in 30 days prior to due date!) and ordered everything we had left that we thought we'd need. Then we watched some TV on the couch while I waited for labor to start. It wasn't too long before the cramps started... and they continued to get stronger and stronger, and more frequent. Yep, I was *definitely* in labor.

Just before noon we decided it was time to head to the hospital, even though I didn't feel like labor was really strong yet, but we were approaching the 6 hour mark and didn't want to wait too long. We first stopped at OB Triage and Susan did a check to see if I'd progressed at all... sure enough, I was already 3-4cm dilated and 100% effaced (Google it if you need to know the gory details of labor...) so they wheeled me over to Labor & Delivery to wait for things to really get cranking. 

Our room was pretty nice - had a big window that overlooked some trees. I donned the oh-so-attractive hospital gown since I'd not had time to purchase anything else to wear and chatted with Scott while we waited and breathed through contractions as they came. By the time Susan came back to check on me a couple of hours later, things were really getting into full swing.

So many IVs!

I'll spare the general public all of the play-by-play details (but I am writing up a personal journal entry for my own sake, so if you're just dying to know, go ahead and ask). Suffice it to say that I pushed from about 4:15 until 9:30 (5 hours is no joke,  y'all) and poor little Cletus just ended up "stuck" right at the exit. Susan even had me reach down at one point and I could feel the top of his head! But he wouldn't budge! His heartbeat had been strong and steady throughout the whole day, but at this point it started dropping a little and some action needed to be taken. Susan made a little "extra room" for him to come out, one more push, and VOILA! a tiny human was plopped onto my chest. 

"HOLY SHIT!" was the first thing I said. I think others in the room got a chuckle out of that... I wasn't sure, I was so out of it and delirious from the day's efforts. All I could do was stare at this little human squirming on my chest, looking back and forth between him and Scott in utter disbelief that it was really over. I didn't even pay attention to what Susan was still doing to me (placenta, stitches, all sorts of fun things), but I really didn't care by then. Apparently they gave me another IV and I didn't even notice. All I could do was stare at that sweet little squishy face!

They wiped him down, suctioned all the gunk out of his face, and Scott got to clamp and cut the cord after it had stopped pulsating. He looked utterly shocked when Susan handed him the scissors, but he did what she told him and all was well. After a while of him laying on my chest, they called in the NICU specialists because little one was making some grunting noises. Apparently it's very common for preemie boys to have respiratory troubles, so they checked him out and seemed very apologetic when they told me they had to take him from me. Was I disappointed? Sure. But was I going to argue and get all upset when I knew they were doing the best for him? No way. So they took him off to get checked out and make sure he was ok. I think I was mostly expecting it since he was 4 weeks early, so it didn't really surprise me that he needed some help.

After they took him, Scott went to get food because we hadn't eaten since breakfast (Scott had some granola bars but that was it - he didn't want to leave me to get food during the delivery). It was kind of odd being left in the room on my own after all that had gone on. Oddly quiet. Scott returned, we ate some, and then I was moved into a hospital room for recovery. By this point it was about 11:30pm and I got all sorts of visits from nurses checking on this and that. I was so deliriously tired but at the same time still had so much adrenaline running through me that I couldn't really relax. They checked me hourly, then got me started on the breast pump to help my milk come in. They took us down to the NICU to visit our little guy. He was hooked up to all kinds of things, and I think seeing him like that just upset me more. He looked so uncomfortable and he was struggling with breathing - they had him on a CPAP, IVs, all kinds of monitors. They couldn't let me hold him until he was more stable. I finally went back to my room around 3am and just felt terrible that he seemed so unhappy.

I slept fitfully and uncomfortably for a few hours that first night.

One month to go!

One month from today will be June 7th = estimated date for Cletus' arrival!

In reality I realize it's likely not going to happen that day... could really happen any day now (but I'm hoping for a couple more weeks at least). Reality is definitely setting in and realizing how much there is to do (crib? what crib?) and how little time we have to do it. It'll all work out somehow I know!

We had our final Bradley class on Tuesday and discussed some of our fears, expectations, concerns about having a new baby. I will say that I'm glad we chose to do the class, despite having to give up 10 weeks of Tuesday evenings. It's been a good way to focus and think about all of the questions and topics that we might not have otherwise discussed. One of our classmates had their baby on Sunday - a rapid 5 hour labor, no complications... pretty much the ideal situation.

What's not ideal? Leg swelling and cankles!

It doesn't look bad in photos, but relative to where they usually are, I feel like the Michelin man. It especially bothers me that the right one is noticeably worse than the left. I ended up calling the midwives' office on Tuesday to make sure it wasn't something to be concerned about... basically they said "too bad, suck it up, and oh by the way it'll probably get worse". Ok, so they were nicer than that... but that was the gist of it. Just trying to stay hydrated, get more fiber (whee!), and keep my feet elevated when I'm at my desk. I've moved to a table near my desk so I can put my feet in a chair across from me, which helps, but it still feels like I'm walking on sausages most of the day. :/

Yogurt for breakfast resting comfortably on the bump

Hump Day Bump Day - front and side views

Hang in there, Cletus! :)

35 Weeks

Yesterday was designated as "35/35" = 35 weeks along, and 35 days to go! Still seems surreal that it's SO close (yet still so far away...).

Last week was full of ups and downs. I'd mentioned that last week I felt like he'd flipped sides? Yeah, he stayed that way all week. I don't know exactly what position he'd gotten himself into, but man, it was not comfortable. I felt like my bump stuck out a lot more, and I ended up with a bit of a stomach shelf.

Bump shelf is useful for drink holding.

This was from Tuesday (4/28) - we went on a short trail walk at Duncan Park after work and before dinner. It's been a nice way to get out in the sunshine before sitting in class on Tuesday evenings. This past week we did a "labor rehearsal" where each couple got to use one of the labor rooms at the birth center. The instructor would call out start/stop times to mark the beginning/end of a contraction and we would try out different relaxation techniques or comfort positions to see which worked best for us. It was pretty helpful to physically try out some of the options we'll have, and to strike some from the list that were not going to work!

Left: Feeling weird about my awkwardly sticking-out bump.
Right: Hump Day Bump Day (34w+3d)

The rest of the week was busy busy busy, and on Friday I had awful back pains. The workday was challenging - I moved from my desk, to a tall table where I could stand, to sitting on the floor... nothing helped! I took a nice long walk at lunch which did ease the tension some, but of course walking around tires me out. We went downtown for dinner and walked a good bit there, too, which again helped some. But as soon as I sat down it came right back. I also had some abdominal cramps which halfway had me thinking the backache + cramps were labor pains... eek! Thankfully everything subsided by the end of the evening and I was able to sleep fairly well.

Saturday we biked to the Greenville and TR farmers markets... a little over 21 miles total! It was a nice slow pace, but was fun to get out on the bikes and enjoy some tasty treats from the markets. We also went to the opening day of the neighborhood pool in the afternoon and enjoyed relaxing (napping) in the sunshine.

Bump > Toes > Pool > Sunshine

Yesterday we were up early to volunteer at DuPont State Forest's waterfall tour day. Scott and I worked parking cars in the main parking lot. I'd originally planned a short solo hike after volunteering (Scott was heading off to mountain bike in Pisgah) but after being on my feet for ~4 hours that morning, I didn't feel like doing much and my legs felt like sausages! I opted to head home and put my feet up for the rest of the day. The swelling didn't really subside much, but thankfully as of this morning (Monday) it seems to have improved a good bit. Will definitely keep an eye on it, though!

35 weeks!

I also noticed that at some point on Saturday, Cletus had flipped back into his original position - I'm feeling his feet on my right-hand side again. Unfortunately it's not all that much more comfortable, but at least I feel better that he's in a "normal" position again. Maybe it's something about being on a bicycle that makes him squirm ariound? Who knows!

Here's to another 5 (maybe??) more weeks!

34 Weeks and Appointment Update

Wow, I have missed some updates that needed to happen... oopsies!

Yeah I can definitely tell that whole "pint of urine" thing - I swear, I have to pee every hour at least!

Rewind to last week...

Hump Day Bump Day - 33w + 3d

On Thursday I took the day off from work. In the morning I had a check-up appointment with the midwives. Got to meet the 4th and final midwife that I'd not yet met. Bethany was very nice and answered all of the questions that I've started keeping a running list of in my draft emails on my phone... lots of things come to mind from week to week, and I almost never can remember them by the time an appointment rolls around. Hopefully she didn't feel too bombarded! We discussed birth plans and hospital rules, and she said we'd start talking in more detail starting at the next (36 week) appointment. A small part of me is nervous I won't make it that far, but I'm trying to stay calm and positive!

She also did a quick ultrasound check to see if Cletus was still in the same position - apparently she couldn't tell his head from his butt (our child is a butthead!) because it's "very round". All looked good and he was still head-down with his back on my left hand side. Heartbeat was around 138 bpm and I'm measuring 32 cm (cm should coincide to # weeks gestation, give or take a couple). Hooray for another good appointment!

Afterwards, I headed to Urban Nirvana for a prenatal massage thanks to a birthday gift card from my neighbor. It was SO nice to relax and get some of the tension worked out of my lower back and hips. It's been a bit painful to sleep for the past few weeks - I wake up with my hips aching every night. The massage provided at least temporary relief!

From there, I decided to walk around downtown and find lunch since it was such a nice day. I wandered down Main Street and decided on my "pamper myself" day I would treat myself to second breakfast for lunch at Eggs Up Grill.

Half belgian waffle, eggs, and sausage - yum!

After breakfast I walked through Falls Park and documented the beautiful sites in a photo album. I was struck by how much I love and enjoy living in Greenville!

Had a nice long walk around town and ended up back at the car to head home for a relaxing afternoon and then a fun evening of mini-golf for Girls Night.

Mini Golf at Frankie's Fun Park!

This weekend, my parents came to stay with us for a final pre-baby visit which was lots of fun. We visited lots of local restaurants and breweries both in Greenville and Asheville. The weather in Greenville was crummy on Saturday but absolutely gorgeous in Asheville! So glad we decided to head up the mountain for the day. Even I got to enjoy a few tastes here and there...

Coffee Brown Ale at Twin Leaf Brewery

Mother/Daughter post-brunch photo - 34 weeks!

Also, at some point Sunday afternoon I noticed that Cletus had flipped over and is now resting with his back on my right side. I feel his little feet kicks on my left now. It's so odd since I was used to the opposite case for the past month or so! Not sure what made him flip, but I will say I was incredibly uncomfortable for most of Sunday afternoon.

6 more weeks to go!